How to Save a Life
by n00dl3gal
Summary: Anise cooks up another plan to get Guy over his gynaphobia, with surprising results. NOT A SONGFIC. Is NOT a AnisexGuy story. It is GuyxNatalia. Somewhat. Crappy oneshot is crappy. Slightly implied LukexTear, if you're into that.


A quick oneshot to tie you over until ITSGUT is ready. It is NOT GuyxAnise; rather, it is Guytalia. Which to be perfectly frank sounds like a TotA parody of_ Hetalia: Axis Powers. _But it's not.

Once again, I would like to remind you that this is not a songfic. Although "How to Save a Life" by The Fray is probably one of the best songs ever.

The inspiration for this story comes from Guy's "Aquatic Ape" costume and its description. If you haven't unlocked it yet, well, GO GET IT CUZ HE LOOKS SO DAMN CUTE IN IT!

Finally, thanks to Konpeki Rei for betaing, and Namco Bandai for creating the Tales Of series. I don't own the Tales franchise, because if I did, then Lloyd, Emil, and Luke would all be in the new Super Smash Bros. game. (That still might happen, considering the fact Namco is developing it... fingers crossed.)

* * *

"Hey Luke!"

The redhead in question turns around to see me. "What do you want, Anise?"

I grin mischievously. "Wanna help me get Guy over his phobia?"

He crosses his arms. "And how exactly do you plan to do that?" I get up on my tippy toes and whisper in his ears. A smile builds across his face. "Wow, that's not a bad idea at all..."

"Yeah, it is! And I even got the Colonel and Tear to help out!" I gush. It is quite an ingenious scheme, if I do say so myself.

Luke frowns. "I can get why Jade would do this, he's sadistic. But Tear? She's so nice..." he drones off.

"Well, it wasn't easy, but we made an agreement," I sigh. He asks me what it was, and I roll my eyes. I don't wanna talk about this. "I..." I facepalm. "I promised her I'd let her borrow Tokunga so she can dress him up in cute outfits," I admit.

He burst out laughing, doubling over with chuckles. "That's so like her! And another thing, why aren't you the bait?"

I bite my lip. Crap, I didn't wanna talk about this either! Damn noble's gonna interrogate me all night! "Jade says since I'm a kid- which I'm _not__-_ the method that's used is different. There's contact, but it's not as direct," I explain. "Besides, it's _my _idea, so I have to watch and make sure you don't screw it up!"

"So why not use Tear? I'm sure Natalia could do her part," he says.

"That's because we- Jade and I- didn't want to make you jealous," I smirk.

Luke's face turns the same shade as his hair. "I- I wouldn't be jealous!" he stammers.

"Yeah, you would," I tease, poking my cheek in what I hope is an adorable fashion.

"No, I wouldn't!" I didn't think it was possible, but somehow, Luke has blushed past red on the color wheel and is now a putrid shade of maroon.

I wave my hand. "Whatever, Romeo. So will you help us or not?"

He nods, folding his arms behind his head. "All I gotta do is make a bunch of noise, then?"

. . .

"This is nice," Natalia says, floating on her back in the pond. "Brilliant suggestion, Jade, for us to have a swim."

"Why thank you, Natalia. It's a lovely way to relieve the tension in these old bones," he replies, nodding happily. Damn, he's a good liar. Almost too good. I would be afraid of him if I haven't known him for so long. Hell, I _am _afraid of him... _I __wonder __if __it__'__s __true __that __he __drinks __people__'__s __blood__..._

Tear and I are having a splash fight a little ways away from the "Princess," with Jade doing laps out in the deeper water and the other two boys on dry land practicing some new Artes.

Luke glances over in my direction. I shake my head. _Not __yet__,_ I mouth. _Too __early__._ He nods and resumes his brawl. I turn back to my own melee only to be soaked. Tear smiles. "This is fun. And Tokunga... Anise, will you make him grow so I can cuddle with him tonight?" she asks softly. I sigh and answer yes. She gives a small giggle. Jeez, I'm more grown up than this girl, and I'm only thirteen.

Time passes, each second more agonizingly slower than the last. I'm beginning to tire of this facade I'm putting up by playing this game with Tear, but after what feels like an hour (but was really, according to the Colonel, only about 15 minutes or so), Natalia's finally in the perfect spot- a place where the water is deep, but not so much as that she'd be in (too much) actually danger. I wink at Luke. _It__'__s __time_.

"Hey Guy, check out this move," he calls to his friend. The blond looks over and the replica begins a complex- and very loud- Fonic Arte. Hell, it might even be a Mystic Arte. Not too shabby, but there's no time to admire his skills right now. I motion to Tear.

"Now!"

Without a second's hesitation, she grabs her staff off the shore and waves it. I see the ground light up beneath her feet, and can faintly hear her whispered speech. I don't catch most of it, but the last two words are clearly audible.

"Pow Hammer!"

And, like magic (which it kinda is, I guess), a toy hammer drops out of the sky and whacks Natalia right on the forehead. Instant knockout.

Guy turns back to the lake just as she splashes into the water. "Natalia!" he yells, racing for the tideline.

Now I will reveal the genius behind my plan, and how it will help Guy conquer his phobia.

Jade suggest we take a swim. Luke distracts Guy, while Tear uses Pow Hammer to knock her out and cause her to drown. Guy, being the loving gentleman and certified aquatic rescuer he is, will immediately rush to her side and administer CPR. This, of course, forces him to make lip- to- lip contact. In layman's terms, we force Guy to kiss Natalia. At the risk of possibly drowning her.

Eh, what's life without risks?

Anyway, Guy has swam out the the drowning girl and is now almost back on the grass. He yanks her up and places his hands on her chest. He looks even more worried than he did before- there must not be a heartbeat. Good. Exactly as I planned.

The swordsman pushes his fist up and down, counting out loud with each press. He then leans down and places his lips on hers.

I wish I had a camera or something. I mean, this would be great blackmail one day.

Guy begins another round of presses, still talking, but not counting. He's saying something. "C'mon, Natalia, wake up..."

I frown and study his face more carefully. He's no longer worried- he's frightened. _Frightened__._ But why? Why would he be so worried about Natalia? Did that Pow Hammer hit her too hard or something?

Another breath into her mouth. I don't stare and cheer internally this time, though- I scan the others. Jade is observing intently, his expression unreadable. Tear is almost in her namesake. Luke appears like he might throw up. Mieu is covering his eyes with his oversized ears.

"Dammit, Natalia! Don't do this to me!" I shake my head and turn back to the action. He is beyond fear. He's... he's distraught.

Oh no, what have I done? Did I just kill the princess of Kimlasca? And we had just gotten that truce all written up... I'm a monster.

He kisses her once more, and it looks like he's gonna give up, when...

A shudder. A solitary shudder. Then another, and a few more, followed shortly by coughing and spitting and gasping.

The strawberry- blonde sits up, staring at Guy's form leaning over her. He breaks into a huge grin and pulls him into his chest.

"Oh thank Lorelei, I was so afraid I had lost you," he whispers, keeping his chin above her. "Don't do that to me again, you understand?" He presses his lips firmly against her hair.

Well. That wasn't in the plan.

Natalia, for her credit, has taken all of this with the grace of a princess (only fitting, I suppose). And despite her puzzlement, she still manages to figure at least _one_ thing out.

"Guy, you're touching me."

That brings the boy from Hod back down to a crashing reality. He suddenly lets go of her and scampers away backwards until he hits the water's edge. Which he then falls into. I barely stifle a chortle. He just looks so _helpless__... _kinda pathetic, really.

Natalia gets up, brushes off her swimsuit, places her hands on her fists, and glares at all of us. "I don't know what you did, or why you did it, but I know you did _something_," she growls. "And you best believe that I will deal with you all!" She spins on her heel to stare down Guy. "You... I expected more from you!" she yells, half angry, half melancholy.

"It wasn't me! All I saw was you drowning!" He raises his hands in defense. "They must have set me up to this!" What a goody two-shoes.

She stalks over to him, leans down, and locks eyes with the boy. Green shoot arrows at blue, which raises a sword in honesty. Eventually, both sides back down. Natalia extends her hand. "Well, in any case, thank you for saving me, Guy," she finishes, blushing. He glances from her face to her palm and her face again, before grabbing the offered arm with shaking fingers. Dammit, we didn't cure his phobia then, did we?

Until I notice something. Natalia's fingers are shaking as well. She lifts him up off his butt, and together the walk back onto shore, where they go off to the side and talk over what just happened.

Then something crashes on me. Water. A lot of it. I splutter and look around only to see Jade with his trademark smile, spear firmly in hand. "Oh violent torrent, SPLASH!" he yells, and I'm drenched yet again.

"Oh it's ON!" I shout, grabbing my staff and twirling it expertly. Luke and Tear glance at each other, shrug, and join in the free- for- all in the water. I turn back toward Guy and Natalia to see what they're doing, and for just a second I swear I see their heads melt into one. But it's over so quickly and I'm too far away to really tell, but I still think it happened... Oh well. I brush it off and cast Limited. Jade is soon surrounded by pink light, scarring him. It's nice to put him in his place for a change. The fight roars on.

Only two people don't get involved. They just sit on the bank, dangling their feet in the water, watching us battle, laughing and cheering us on. Oh, and doing one other thing.

They're holding hands.

_Mission __successful__._

* * *

Crappy oneshot is crappy. I wrote this a long time ago, just for fun, so... yeah. I hope you enjoyed. And finally...

* * *

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

- The Fray, "How to Save a Life"

* * *

... It's still not a songfic!

Until next time, N00dl3gal.


End file.
